I try to eat well and I exercise regularly. I do it mostly to be and feel healthy. I want to look nice, but I’m not obsessed with what my body looks like. (which is a good thing, considering the leg I live with)

So I laughed at this revised prayer …

This morning that was really driven home.

Fast forward to this morning … I went on a blog to read it. It’s a blog that has changing ads on the side. The first ad was from the website where I ordered my trash can from. This is not a familiar or name brand store (at least not to me), so I chuckled and thought … what an odd coincidence.

Then I clicked on a second post on the blog, which changed the ads and the new ad was from one of the photo book sites I spent some time on yesterday. Now I thought … interesting, kinda feels like more than a coincidence.

So I had to experiment and clicked on a third post and sure enough it was for the stock photography site. Now this almost feels like stalking.

Now I’m curious, so I’m going to click on one more post on the site to see what the new ad is for. Here I go …

It’s an ad to “Go back to school and improve your skills” at the University of Phoenix. I was not on their site recently or any school/university/college site.

So now instead of the ads following me, I guess they are telling me where to go. Apparently ’they’ have seen that a skill of mine needs improving. Maybe ‘they’ have noticed how often I misspell a word or change/correct a sentence and ‘they’ figure it is time I improve my skills.

Or maybe I just paranoid this morning …

Have you even been ‘followed’ or ‘encouraged’ by ads on blogs, Facebook or other sites?

Really? Does it? Everything?

Everything from child abuse, to the latest iPhone, to a paper cut, to a war, to a sale on beach chairs?

I used to say it myself, but I don’t anymore. Though I hear it used by a range of people, in many different settings … most often said in an attempt to bring some kind of understanding/comfort/purpose to a difficult situation.

Each time I hear it, something in me cringes.

I’ve experimented with rewording the saying to … Everything happens, and a reason will come out of it. We are each responsible for what that reason will be.

I’ve seen similar things (good or bad) happen to different people and yet the outcome can be vastly different. One uses the challenge or the good fortune to move forward and maybe even help others along the way. While the other one does nothing or even takes a negative turn and hurts themselves and others by their choices.

So if everything happens for a reason — both the good or the bad result are what was supposed to happen?

Lately, I tend to look at life thinking everything happens and now I have the option of becoming better or bitter — it’s my choice. And the path I take determines what ‘reason’ will or will not come out of whatever happens.

How do you view that saying? Do you think everything happens for a reason?

I’ve updated that saying to … If at first you don’t succeed, blog again.

For the past five years at my old blog, I blogged whenever the mood struck me. As this website was being designed, I couldn’t wait for it to be finished. I looked forward to blogging regularly (and I knew I’d enjoy every minute of it).

Now that I’d invested money into blogging and it’s officially part of my work — speaking and getting a book published. I knew I’d have no trouble getting serious about it. I was sure that as soon as my new digs were up, I would have no trouble blogging regularly. Words would just flow out of me.

I thought about blogging regularly. I thought about making up a schedule for when I would write. And when I would put new posts up. I read sites about the way to build up blog traffic. (which soon confused me, so I quit reading them) I made a half-hearted attempt at making a list of topics I would blog about. My coach told me to select only five or six main ones — that’s hard because I am interested in everything. Well, almost everything, I’ll pass on dust-mites, vampires and Nascar.

In other words, I only dreamed.

I forgot to put concrete plans and a schedule to those dreams. This site’s been up a month and there’s not near as many posts up as I thought there would be.

Plus real life intervened … there are plenty of ‘good’ reasons why I didn’t get around to writing posts.

I injured my foot. And pain is distracting, making it much easier to read other’s blogs or catch up on Facebook, then focus on writing. Take meds for the pain, you say. Yes, I did and the meds befuddled my mind. You don’t expect me to write like that, do you?

Then it was vacation time. I can’t really write while on vacation. I don’t want to burn myself out. I needed to relax and enjoy the moment.

So here I am … on the back-to-school day for my family. Each year on this day, I get super-organized. (I’ve already cleaned my kitchen and organized my closet) And it’s time to make a blogging schedule and a plan … to blog, BLOG again.

I remind myself  … I haven’t failed unless I give up trying.

Any areas of your life where you need to try, try again?

This person used to be relentless. She made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. She pointed out places I hadn’t arrived at yet. It seemed like she was determined to make me feel bad no matter what I did. Most days it felt like I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t.

I needed to avoid hearing her rejection or not believe it if I did hear it. Yet I couldn’t avoid her or stop her from talking to me. And oddly, I was the one giving her the power to talk.

You see, the problem was … she was me.

‘She’ was that nagging voice in my head saying negative things to me. Some times, I realized she was an unhealthy voice. But other times, she could be so convincing that I thought what she told me was true.

To figure out who she was and who I am, I realized I needed a clearer picture of myself. I figured starting at the source is good — maybe my creator could help.

I spent time asking/seeking/knocking. I took time to simply be, to read and to learn who he really is, not who religion/environment/culture has made him out to be. 

I discovered my creator is love and is all about love.

I also had a lightbulb moment rereading Jesus’ words, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Love yourself — as in me, myself and I?

Yes, love myself.

And love and rejection can’t co-habituate — so one of them had to go. As I absorbed the idea that I was created in the image of love and I am good* there was less space for ‘her’ rejection in my life.

Love grew in me, and slowly quieted ‘her’. I was able to love myself … and in turn, love my neighbor. (more about that later this week)

Jonathan, Jerry, Janet, Joshua, Joseph

Luquillo Beach, Puerto Rico

And it’s good to be home again …

During times I need to rest my foot, I read or I watch some TED videos. Most TED talks I’ve watched make me grateful and inspire me.

This one angered and inspired me — and made me extremely grateful. (no more pity-parties for myself)

It also gave me hope, that with people like Sheryl WuDunn researching and talking about the injustice of women — and you and I doing our part — things might change.

Sheryl WuDunn and her husband, Nicholas D. Kristof, have written a book Half The Sky — it’s on my reading list now.

What about you – do you think there is hope for things to change concerning the injustice of females worldwide?

But, today — I do not want to read. I do not want to be online. I do not want to write, especially not this post.

I was going to ignore reading, writing and blogs … and have a pity-party for myself.

Then I remembered a post by Anne Jackson called The Story of Now. She writes …

“I was having a discussion with a friend recently about how, when we share our stories, we often refer to things that have taken place in the past …

Our stories are important. Nobody can argue the power of God’s faithfulness shown in our past.

May I make a suggestion? Let’s also begin sharing The Story of Now.

Let’s share the brokenness that is happening in our lives at this very given moment — The places we aren’t sure how God will heal, if he will heal them. The places that frighten us. The places that we think will make a great story in the future…but we don’t want to talk about them in the present tense.”

After rereading Anne’s post, I picked up my laptop and began writing … after making myself comfortable here:

You see … I’m on vacation in Puerto Rico with my husband and three sons. Instead of birthday gifts for each other this year, we planned this trip – our first vacation in six years as a family and the first time we’ve done anything like this. It’s beautiful and I’m enjoying it — the scenery, my family and the fact that we’re on vacation.

My gorgeous view from our balcony

Our last vacation ended with an accident where I received major injuries. I’ve recovered well, even completing a half-marathon this past June. So this trip was kind of a celebration of the past six years and a time of treating the boys to an unique adventure. We planned an active vacation of kayaking, hiking, biking, watersports, etc.

So today … I want to be out and about doing fun things!

BUT … two weeks ago, I was running and injured myself. It was an injury I could have avoided if I would have quit running at the first twinges of pain, but I wanted to finish the race, so I did. In the process, I severely bruised the front of my left foot. The pain was so brutal (nothing broken, just bruised) I had to use crutches for almost two weeks. The pain has decreased, but it’s still brutal enough for me to need a walking cast.

My foot and walking cast propped on a suitcase at the airport

I’m sure Jung or Freud scholars and my counselor would love to probe the depths of my conscience, sub-conscience and/or spirit to find out why I would do this to myself two weeks before a special vacation. Was it just determination to finish a race? Was it forgetfulness — I never thought of this vacation while running with pain. Or was it self-sabotage … but why would I do that?

I’m able to do some of the things we had planned, but not everything. Last night I swam in a bioluminescent bay with my family. I can walk a few steps without my boot, so I wore it until I was almost ready to go in the water. It was a wonderful experience.

Right now, the others walked down the beach to a great snorkeling spot near our condo. I will drive down to the spot later and see if my foot allows me to snorkel or just sit on the beach and watch them.

So I’m here … in the now, disappointed … in myself, in the circumstances, in God (shouldn’t he magically cover my stupidity?)

Over the next few days, I will probably have to sit by while my family hikes the rainforest and swims under waterfalls, while I am left wondering … why and what, if anything, I will learn from this.

Puerto Rico Sunrise – 8/10

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

Today the interview continues and you have a chance to win a copy of her book. Leave a comment before Monday and you could win!

Yesterday, I listed a number of the topics Rachel writes about in the book. Today I asked her questions about a few of those topics. I would love to discuss the whole book here, but the interview would be way too long — plus you’d have no reason to read the book. If you’d like to hear Rachel’s thoughts on the other topics, enter to win a copy below or pick up a copy of Evolving in Monkey Town here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Janet: Zarmina’s story touched me, as did your realization of a crack, then multiple cracks in the biblical worldview wall. What’s your opinion on a biblical worldview now – is there such a thing? Can a worldview be summed up in one or two words?

Rachel: I think “biblical” can be an unhelpful word when it is used prescriptively rather than simply descriptively. For example, technically speaking it is “biblical” for women to be considered property and for men to have multiple wives. That’s just what the culture was like when the Bible was written. But few people would argue that submitting to a husband’s desire for multiple wives constitutes “biblical womanhood” today.  The same goes for cosmology and creation and all kinds of other topics in which the Bible’s ancient cultural context plays a role. In that sense, a “biblical worldview” includes a flat earth with a solid firmament in which the stars are fixed, the acceptance of slavery, and the assumption that people think and feel with their stomachs!

So I find it problematic when modern Westerners advocate the acceptance of a “biblical worldview,” as I think it’s impossible for us to share the minds of ancient near eastern people.  What I think they mean is that as Christians we should have a view of life and the world that is impacted by the many timeless principles found in Scripture, and particularly in the life and teachings of Jesus Christ. I agree, but considering the fact that we all interpret the Bible a little differently and we all have different opinions about which of these principles are indeed timeless, I think the phrase “biblical worldview” sounds a bit too singular, too presumptuous. I think instead we should celebrate the fact that there are as many views of the world as there are people, and that even within the Christian community it’s possible to see things a little differently. While the Bible certainly informs my view of the world, I do not claim to have a monopoly on its many truths.

Janet: You write about your frustration with the practice of calling everything a “God thing” from good weather for a picnic to cars, jobs, etc. I agree with you. Recently a nasty storm in my hometown blew over a lot of trees – some people had their houses/barns hit, some didn’t. The ones that didn’t said or posted updates like “So thankful for God’s protection.” “It was a God thing – he was really watching out for us.” I was sad for the people who had damage – guess God was too busy protecting the others or something. Have you found a creative way to respond to the “God thing” conversations?

Rachel: That’s such a great example of why “God things” can be a frustrating turn of phrase! If God’s goodness is determined by how much stuff he gives out, then he’s not particularly good—at least not to the widows and orphans I met in India, who suffered from extreme poverty and disease.  Yet the fact that these widows and orphans seemed to have such a beautiful relationship with God makes me wonder if material “blessings” are really blessings after all. Maybe Jesus was purposefully turning the concept of blessing on its head when he said “blessed are the poor,” and “woe to you who are rich.” Maybe new cars and spared homes aren’t really “God things,” but rather neutral events at best and temptations at worst.

I understand why people use the phrase and I don’t try to “correct” them when they do. (I believe they are sincerely wishing to show gratefulness and appreciation to God for those things that are indeed out of their control.) But in my own life, I try to look at both the good things and bad things that come my way as opportunities for me to do evil or good. I believe something becomes a “God thing” when we use it to advance love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. And that’s our choice, not God’s.

Janet: Was there a particular chapter in Monkey Town that was really fun and/or easy to write? Why? What about one that was difficult to write? Why?

Rachel: I really enjoyed writing those short, in-between chapters about some of the interesting people I’ve met in my life—from June the Ten Commandments Lady, to Laxmi the Widow, to Sam the Feminist. It was nice to take a break from myself and my own story for a while! The hardest…(though perhaps most cathartic)…chapters to write were chapters 7-11 because they touch on some of the troublesome theological issues that triggered my doubts. I cried a lot and ate a lot during those months of writing. (Animal crackers and red wine are my writing vices.)

Janet: Now that your ‘baby’ is out and traveling around the world, is there something you wish you could change and/or add to it?

Rachel: Oh yes! Every time I pick up the book I find a sentence I would rewrite! But I would keep the content exactly the same, even though my perspective has “evolved” in some ways since I finished the book. I really want my story to serve as a companion to young people who are asking similar questions about their faith, and I think they will relate more to my voice of two years ago than my voice of today.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This concludes the interview. If you want more of Rachel, she’s on Facebook and Twitter or visit her blog. She writes regularly there addressing issues from politics to seeking peace to vacations.

Everyone that leaves a comment here will have a chance to win a copy of Evolving in Monkey Town. So say hi, ask a question or start a discussion in the comments below about something in the interview or something that you wish would have been in the interview. (Leave contact info (email, twitter) so I can contact you if you win)

]]> http://www.janetober.com/2010/08/12/rachel-held-evans-interview-part-2/feed/ 26