Stopping the Flow of Sand—or Not

I block the spot where sand has started to flow.
Not a grain escapes anymore.

I take a deep breath grateful that I stopped that danger in its tracks.

Until… sand begins to flow from a gap on the other side.

I twist and turn trying to stop the flow of that sand.

I manage to stop it for a time, but then a force causes some sand to squeeze out on the other side again. In vain I try to stop the flow on both sides.

.

Sand gets on me… irritating my skin. When I reach over to brush it off, I inadvertently loosen my hold on the flowing sand.

The sand flows freely.

I watch it go.

I’ve been annoyed. Frustrated. Tired of trying to stop the sand from flowing.

So now, I’m content to watch it flow.

Then I remember what I’ve been told about the danger of allowing any sand to flow freely.

If you allow any sand to flow … it will all flow.

I jump back into action. I need to stop this before it gets worse! I study how to stop the flow of sand. How to prevent it from escaping. How to counteract it. How to make it all stay put.

And again I stop the flow of the sand.

I’m miserable, anger and annoyed, but for a time, there isn’t a damn grain of sand flowing anywhere. I have no time to help others or to enjoy life because stopping the sand takes all my time and energy.

Until…

Until some moment in life causes a few tectonics plates to shift and a few grains of sand escape. Followed by a few more… and more.

I watch the sand begin to flow again.

With a touch of concern, but not enough to try to stop it.

Then I realize that I also feel relief.

Relief? I didn’t expect to feel that.

I enjoy that feeling for a time, then something nudges me… reminding me that I shouldn’t be enjoying the feeling of relief. Relief is a bad feeling. A feeling I shouldn’t allow myself to get used to. Relief will deceive me into complacent living and ruin my life. I must continue to contort myself into almost impossible positions to stop the sand from flowing out.

I remember the dire words of warning… if any sand is allowed to flow, your foundation will not be strong. And it will cause you to lose everything you’ve built over the years. Your life will have no meaning if you don’t cling tightly to all the sand.

I study what’s happening. I explore my feeling of relief. The relief brings a measure of peace and even hope with it. I like it. And I wonder if I would feel even more relief if I allow the sand to flow. Instead of being threaten by flowing sand, maybe I will find some value and beauty in it.

I take a deep breath and lift my hands.

The sand flows freeing… and it is beautiful.

I look around to make sure that I’m still alive. That the world is still upright. That I still love and care. That life continues.

I’m pleasantly surprised to find that everything continues as before. The trees are tall and strong. The flowers are blooming. The birds are singing. An airplane flies overheard. I still love my husband, my sons and others.

So sand can flow and life is still okay?

Since I’ve quit worrying about what sand is flowing where, I see more beauty, feel more joy and have more energy to focus on others around me. 

I could get used to this…