Do You Face Reality or Live a Lie?

Some people are willing to deal with reality and some people are not. I recognize and identify with both groups … because I’ve lived both ways.

Between my personality and the environment I grew up in, I could have easily won an ignoring-reality contest. I was a pro at ignoring, sugar-coating or reframing anything to avoid having to deal with an unpleasant reality.

Growing up, once a year my family and our best friends would do a day-trip to Hershey Park.  Disney might call themselves the happiest place on earth, but with an amusement park and chocolate, Hershey wins!

That day was often the highlight of my summer … so when I woke up on one planned Hershey Park day (age 13 or so) feeling sick on my stomach, I ignored it. I didn’t want my parents to make me stay home so I told no one and I told myself I’d feel better soon.

I did begin to feel better at the end of the day … but only after I had thrown up after every ride. Sometimes I made it to the closest restroom, sometimes I didn’t. (I owe some park workers a major apology) After a few quick dashes to the bathroom or behind bushes, the others figured out what was going on, but I kept insisting I felt better. Each ride proved me wrong … but each time I was sure this time was the last time.

Yes, when it came to ignoring reality … I was a pro and I still struggle with wanting to take that route at times.

Fully accepting reality … of my physical injuries and the following emotional and spiritual hurricane has been the hardest thing I have done in my life. I wrote about that struggle in Because I Can and I’ve found something interesting surrounding the release of my story.

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I was honored to have an article about my story in Woman’s World in early September. The article was well-written, but  I found it interesting that they preferred to ignore my true reality by cropping the picture. And instead of fully addressing my struggles, they made “finding happiness” the focus.

A friend called after reading it wondering if the title was my words. I assured her while I’ve learned to be content and to live life to the fullest, I’ve never said that I’ve found the key to happiness. (nor are my teeth actually that white)

How is a reader to understand why I struggled to accept my new normal if they are not shown my true reality?

 

In contrast, in a piece about my story in Fitness Magazine in October they wrote about my true reality and showed a picture of it (without any photoshopping). Though this article was shorter, they gave the reader an honest picture of my reality. Plus they also gave helpful suggestions from  Alicia Salzer MD on how to make a comeback.

  • Train your brain
  • Ask for support
  • Visualize victory

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Comparing the feedback from both articles has been interesting. I’ve gotten more feedback from Fitness. Do you think it’s because they showed my true reality? Some of the feedback has been from others struggling with a tough circumstance and seeing what I’ve overcome has helped them take steps forward in overcoming their reality. I have not received any comments like that about the Woman’s World article.

Reality sucks at times … but ignoring it doesn’t help yourself or others. 

Like my puking day at Hershey Park … in the end I wished that I would have honestly dealt with my reality. I was so sick, I didn’t enjoy the day—I would rather have been home in bed. Plus I made it worse for others, especially those poor park workers.  And the truth is, I could have gone to the park another day that summer with other friends.

Reality might not be fun to deal with sometimes. But we need to do ourselves and others a favor and face it. If we don’t honestly face it, aren’t we living a lie?

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Do you face, address and deal with reality?
Or do you prefer to ignore it … aka live a lie?

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  • http://bbubblyb.blogspot.com Dawn

    I know when I met you back in May what I got from out conversation wouldn’t have been nearly as profound had you not shown me your reality.  It really hit home for me how trivial a lot of my stress/struggles are in comparision.  That conversation with you made me realize that though at times I struggle there are people that have overcome way way more than I ever have.  I think Woman’s World did a dis-service to you by not giving readers the true gift of your story.  I’m so happy that Fitness Magazine did give that gift to their readers.  I am thankful for the gift of meeting and talking with you. 

    • http://www.JanetOberholtzer.com Janet Oberholtzer

      Thanks Dawn! 
      Whether it’s my reality or someone else’s … I do think it is wise to look at our own and/or other’s realities. But as Janis pointed out above, sometimes it’s wise to challenge reality and try to make changes. 

  • Janis

    I’m mixed on this.  Ignoring reality is how things improve — people make terrific strides when they refuse to believe it when others tell them what “reality” is, like when the doctors told you you would likely not walk again.  You decided otherwise, and they probably thought you were living in a fantasy world before you made that fantasy real.  But they didn’t know you.  But making a dream real means understanding all the real, actual obstacles between you and it, and the real hard work it will take.

    So we all improve ourselves and the world by refusing to accept reality for what it is, but if we’re going to make real progress toward a dream, we need to do it with a healthy respect for reality.  It’s all very complicated.  I’ve heard it called “head in the clouds, feet on the ground.”  Acknowledge reality, but don’t necessarily be satisfied with it?

    • http://www.JanetOberholtzer.com Janet Oberholtzer

      Great point Janis! I hadn’t thought of that. There is something to not accepting and being content with certain realities. 
      I think your last line sums it up wonderfully! 

      • Janis

        Or maybe acknowledging that our understanding of reality may not be perfect.  Just because we THINK our reality might not include something doesn’t make it so, and we’ll never know until we try.

  • http://kclanderson.com KCLAnderson (Karen)

    I have found that certain women’s magazines reframe everything that way because they want to sell magazines and so they promise things like delivering the keys to happiness…that’s what my experience was like with the magazine that told my story (back in 2007). 

    I think Janis makes a great point too…and so I guess it comes down facing reality and then deciding whether or not to accept it. But how can we either accept or not accept something that we haven’t fully faced?

    Good post…good questions.

    And the farther I get into your book, the more fascinated I am by your thought processes and how dealing with your injuries forced you to deal with some larger issues, as well. 

    • http://www.JanetOberholtzer.com Janet Oberholtzer

      Love your question … ”how can we either accept or not accept something that we haven’t fully faced?”
      That sums up what I meant by this post … facing, instead of covering up reality, because only then can we honestly determine what to do about it.