Monthly Archives: October 2011

A friend recently emailed me saying, “Since you spent a long time in the hospital I was wondering what you suggest I put in a goodie bag for a friend who will be in the hospital for a few days following a surgery?”

I thought I’d share the list with you. Hospital comfort baskets shouldn’t be too large, smaller is better, because space to set them can be limited. A small basket, decorative box or purse (as shown in the picture) is better than a gift bag, because the patient can see what is in it without digging through it. Plus gift bags fall over too easily.

Chapstick - While in the hospital, my lips were always dry … maybe it was air, maybe the meds I was on, but either way I always needed some type of moisturizing lip balm.

Breath mints - To counter-act the dry mouth and bad breath due to the meds.

Gum – Any gum is good, but bubble gum wins! Because it gives the patient something to do during times of boredom. Can they still blow a bubble as big as they did as a kid? (Not that I tried this …)

Soft tissues - The hospital ones are coarse.

Nail file - This one might only be for the females, but there’s nothing like a broken, jagged nail to add more annoyance to an already tough situation.

Fuzzy socks – Warm feet helps one deal with being in the hospital better.

Magazines - Easy light reading. Reader’s Digest is good because it has short stories and jokes … and sometimes when life sucks, it helps to laugh.

A soft blanket - The hospital ones can be coarse.

Favorite snack* - For me, it would be combos (the cracker kind with cheddar cheese)

Fresh fruit – I’ll never forget the fresh, sweet peaches, my stranger-turned-friend Brenda (who I introduce to the world in Because I Can) brought me.

Homemade cookies – Comfort food!

Chocolate – Dove dark chocolate for me.

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If you’ve spent time in the hospital—what have I missed?

It’s almost 7pm … the time my book release party is scheduled to start. Books are on the table. Two pens lie there, waiting to be put to use. The laptops are set up with pictures and videos playing. The Cafe staff is putting finishing touches on their delicious spread of food.

The cup of warm apple cider feels good in my hands as I pace from one room to the next. The wooden floor squeaks here and there. I take a few deep breaths and listen to the soft music playing. I set up a few more get-well cards from the basket of cards that caring people sent seven years ago. I reposition the pens on the table (again).

My son and I share a few jokes about how many cars are in the parking lot. About how we are going to have to monitor the door to control the crowd.

Truth be told, other than the people helping, no one is here. I think about the posters hung all over town. I wonder if I annoyed people with too many posts on Facebook. I feel a connection with authors throughout the ages nervously wondering what a book signing will hold.

I enjoy some delicious butternut squash, ginger and pear soup (it is as good as it sounds!) and an egg salad sandwich prepared by the cafe’s owner, Bridget. The sandwich brings back memories, because it’s the same delicious sandwich I brag about in Because I Can.

About 7:03, the door opens. (I want to give them a case of books)

As I’m chatting with them, the door opens again. And again. And again. I lose count. (estimate around 60) The soft hum  of multiple conversations is heavenly. Cider is poured into mugs. Food is enjoyed. My son mans the book table as I chat.  The pens are used. I smile as I see my husband, not a crowd person, laugh and chat with old friends.

I’m surprised and blessed by a gift of flowers.

At the scheduled time, I position myself so I can see both rooms of the cafe and these kind people allow me to share. I can’t thank them enough for not only coming to this event, but for being a part of my life … whether they are best friends or causal  acquaintances. I also thank many others involved in my journey … from my paramedics to Rhizome Publishing.

I’ve had enough of miserable days, so this is a night of celebrating … and I’m savoring every moment. While I mention my struggle with depression, I read some of the more hopeful, healing moments from Because I Can, along with a joke or two. Of course, it’s hospital humor …

What’s the name of the person who invented the hospital gown? 
Dr. Seymore Butts

Daughters of friends, one a budding photographer, the other a filmmaker move quietly around the room capturing the evening.

Photo by Skylar Burkhart

More photos here - Video of the evening.

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Many of the people at the book signing on Saturday evening were also a part of an event for me seven years ago. Six weeks after being injured in California, I was finally well enough to fly home. Under the organization of my friends, Lynn and Lynne, my community threw an amazing home-coming parade for me, complete with a few of Morgantown’s finest in uniform. A friend, Scott, captured it on tape and put together this cool video. I’ve had the video for years, but other than a few friends, many in my community had not seen it … so this video played all evening.

I was not the only one that got teary-eyed while watching this on Saturday evening …

I’m not a big fan of people acting like their town or community is the coolest one on planet earth, because I think there are many cool communities … but I must say the people in my town rock! 

Did you hear how many of them assumed I’d be running again someday? Love their optimism!

Thank you family, friends and community … for helping me through the many dark years and for celebrating with me now. 

Myth: People with a pet are happier and may even live longer.

Could this simply be a common thought that people think is true?

I don’t necessarily dislike animals … I love seeing horses in a meadow, squirrels scampering up trees or birds in flight. But as long as I can remember I’ve disliked animals touching me (yes, even your adorable one) and I never wanted to have a pet. I gave in a few times when the boys were young because everyone knows that all boys need a pet. (Not true!) One time we even had a cat give birth to four kittens under my son’s bed. (Don’t ask.)

Now with a compromised leg, I can’t afford to have any animals close to me, especially too-friendly dogs or cats that could cut the fragile skin on my calf.

My friends know I don’t like pets, but other than that, I tend to keep my dislike for pets to myself (until now) but I will move to the opposite side of the road/trail to avoid coming close to one, especially if the pet owners seems to think everyone should like their ‘baby’.

But sometimes when I heard a comment about pet owners being happier and living longer, I wondered if I was missing out on something. Did not liking pets mean I was somehow  diminishing my enjoyment of life? Maybe I was even an uncaring person? (some pet-owners implied that I was) Maybe I needed to move beyond my dislike for animal hair on my clothes, furry butts on my furniture, non-human throw-up and embrace the creatures.

But yet sometimes watching others with pets, I had a hard time believing that they actually add more love than hassle to one’s life. They can ruin things in a house if left alone too long. They are an added expense… shots, cages, food, toys and even clothes. And I’ve seen pets add major hassle to vacation plans … a kennel, pet sitter or a gullible kind friend is needed.

But maybe that’s all worth it if a pet would make me a happier person and maybe even help me live longer.

And some studies have shown that … Pets can ease our loneliness, reduce our stress, promote social interaction, encourage exercise and playfulness, and provide us with unconditional love and affection.

But recently I read about a new study showing that while pets can bring people joy, there’s nothing to prove that pet owners are any happier and/or live longer than non-pet owners. It’s simply a nice thought that animal lovers want to believe, but there’s no proof behind it.

Whew … am I glad to hear that.

I can be as happy as I choose to be with or without a pet!.

Howard Herzog, a professor of psychology at Western Carolina University, published Are Pet Owners Healthier and Happier? Maybe Not… in a recent issue of Psychological Science. He says,

“While some researchers have reported that positive effects accrue from interacting with animals, others have found that the health and happiness of pet owners is no better, and in some cases worse, than that of non-pet owners.”

He says that the media tends to ignore studies showing negative news about owning a pet … like a study where the pet owners exercised less than non-pet owners or one where pet owners were more likely than non-owners of pets to die or suffer another heart attack within a year of suffering the first heart attack. His article went on to say …

“Moreover, pets — which can be found in two-thirds of U.S. households — bring with them a “cornucopia” of health problems that can be transmitted to humans such as giardia, salmonella poisoning, skin mites, and worms.”

Herzog, a pet owner himself, stressed he was not condemning pet ownership or the use of therapy animals for children with autism or people with psychological disorders, but wanted to see more scientific research done.

So have a pet if you want to … but don’t expect it to provide health and happiness. And don’t be surprised when I back away from it, instead of toward it.

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Are you a pet-owner? Why or why not? 
What’s your thoughts on the benefits (or not) of having a pet?

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Earlier this week 100-year old Fauja Singh set a record by being the oldest person to run a marathon. He completed the Toronto marathon in a little over eight hours.

I like what he had to say about his diet.

“You need a balanced and wholesome diet. It doesn’t matter how nice to look at or sweet food is — if your body can’t digest it, why eat it? In many parts of the world, people are dying because of starvation, whilst others are dying because of overeating. My solution is just to eat what my body needs.  I’d probably be dead if I was full all the time.”

I also relate to what his trainer/friend says in the video below about how running helped Singh overcome depression after a tragic loss.

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If you (or someone you know) is grieving … I almost guarantee you will find comfort in Seasons of Solace, especially the audio version where you can simply sit and soak up words of comfort and peace. Purchase it here. If you have questions about it,  contact Janelle here.

My life almost ended before my 39th birthday, so this has become my philosophy about birthdays:

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

I’m celebrating my 46th birthday today and since a birthday is the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun …I’m going to enjoy the ride run!

This is my kind of cake*

I’ve done 13.1 (half-marathon) three times since being hurt and I have two more scheduled… Nov 20 (Philadelphia) and Feb 26 (Disney, FL) If my body feels good after those two, this will my year to tackle the 26.2 … probably in late spring sometime.

Hope you have a great day today … because I know I will. 

For too many us, depression can be such a scary word that we’ll avoid acknowledging that we or someone we know might be struggling with it. We’ll cover it up, call it a phase, beat ourselves up, tell others to get it together and/or try to smile more.

None of those are beneficial.

Learning about depression is the best thing to minimize its scariness and allow us to receive the help we need so that depression doesn’t control our worlds. Now there is an excellent resource available to learn about depression … whether for yourself or someone you know.

Not Alone: Stories of Living with Depression, a recently published book by Civitas Press, is a compilation of essays from over thirty people in various phases of life. Each author shares about their journey of becoming aware, accepting and learning to live with their depression with honesty and truth.

The essays are fairly short, easy to read (though some of the details are gut-wrenching) and give the reader a broad perspective of how depression affects different people in different ways. Some share about the ups and downs of learning how to live their best life possible with depression as a companion, while others share how they feel like they’ve recovered from bouts of depression.

Whether you are male, female, old, young, single, married, etc. I think you’ll find a story from someone in a similar situation in life. Obviously people that are personally struggling with depression will benefit from Not Alone. Plus I think everyone else should also read the book, so that they understand what the rest of us go through.

I had been invited to share an essay in the book and I opted out (which I regret now because it is such a freakin’ good book) because I knew both Not Alone and my book  would be released this fall and I talk about my two major bouts with depression in Because I Can. The first one was after giving birth to three boys within five years and the second time was after being injured. Both times a book like Not Alone would have been extremely comforting and given me much-needed hope.

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Not Alone is edited by the lovely Alise Wright and she had this to say about the book.

Since 1997, depression has been a part of my life. And the first step toward healing for me has always been to tell someone what I’m going through. When I felt myself going down that path last fall, I shared my struggle on my blog, and the response surprised me. While I expected kindness, I did not expect people to say that this small confession was one that allowed them to be honest about their own experiences with depression. As people wrote comments and sent emails, I realized that what was healing for me was healing for many.

Sharing your story connects you to a larger community and allows you to recognize that you don’t have to go through hard times by yourself. Through this realization, I decided to invite others to have a safe place to share their stories of depression so that they would have an opportunity to experience that healing and so that they could offer comfort to others at the same time. I decided to call it the Not Alone series because that was the phrase that was used most often in the messages that I received; people thanked me for letting them know that they were not alone.

It is my desire to see Not Alone be not only a book where those who have experienced depression can turn for comfort, but also a resource for those who have never gone through depression. People often are unaware of what it means to be in the grasp of depression and these stories give a glimpse of that feeling. I hope that this will open up dialogue about what it means to offer community for those dealing with depression. It’s a conversation that needs to be had, and I believe that this book is a step in the right direction. When people refuse to be silent about their pain, it allows those with the same pain to find a voice and it also offers those who want to help a practical way to give support.

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Pick up a copy of Not Alone today … for yourself and/or for someone who might feel like they are alone in their journey of depression.

Available at Amazon
and at Civitas Press.

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Has depression touched you or someone you know? 

Recently there’s been an avalanche of energy drinks (Red Bull, Full Throttle, Monster Energy, Rockstar, MakeYourLazyAssFeelBetter* and more) on the market … and the commercials for them could almost make one wonder how we survived without them.

I’ve heard reports from others, including my sons, about the ‘amazing’ energy they have after drinking them. But I’ve been leery of them. I can’t help but remember the cliche we all love to hate … if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.

I’ve dabbled into researching some of them, but have never taken the time to throughly study them. And now thankfully someone else has … Susan Leake has a great piece about energy drinks at No Meat Athlete …

The Scary Truth About Energy Drinks

Here are just a few of the things she says about them:

• they are not regulated under any FDA standards.
• many of the ingredients have not been deemed safe for public consumption.
• lack of reputable information on some other ingredients.

Susan writes about those points and more. She has compiling information, research and good common sense to back up her claims. She suggests the novel idea of exercising, getting  enough sleep and eating well as ways to gain energy instead of aiming for a quick fix. (imagine that!)

Professional Triathlete Brendan Brazier sees little value in energy drinks. He says,

“Obtaining energy by way of stimulation is like shopping with a credit card. You get something you desire now, but that doesn’t mean you won’t have to pay eventually. That bill will come.”

Other than making the drink companies rich, there’s no reason to drink them. I’m not saying drinking one every now and then will hurt you. In the spirit of full disclosure … diet sodas aren’t good for you either, but every now and then when I have a piece of pizza, I ‘need’ a diet coke.

I justify it because I have so few and I have them so far apart that I assume my system has time to clean out all the crap before I consume more. (and one of these days I will drink my last one, I think I can, I think I can… )

Go read Susan’s article and I think you’ll realize consuming energy drinks regularly could have results you don’t want … both for your health and your wallet.

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Do you drink energy drinks? Why or why not?

And know any healthy alternatives to energy drinks?

In yesterday’s post, I asked, “Do you do things just so you can tell others you did them or do you do them for the sheer experience of doing them?” Today I take it a step farther and ask, “Do you focus so much on the finish that you miss the joy of the experience along the way?

Two women that inspire me to focus on my experiences rather than on the finish, and especially rather than thinking about impressing others are Diana Nyad and Roz Savage … both have had an exciting and challenging summer.

Diana Nyad is an American author, journalist and long-distance swimmer noted for her world record endurance championships. She is a member of the National Women’s Hall of Fame and the International Swimming Hall of Fame. After not swimming for 31 years, Diana hit the water again about two years ago.

This summer Diana (age 62) planned to swim from Cuba to Key West, a distance of 103 miles (estimated 60 hours). She gave it two valiant attempts, the first one was cut short after 29 hours by an asthma attack. During the second attempt, Diane received two Portuguese Man-of-War stings and had to end the swim after more than 40 hours in the water.

Diana Nyad

Roz Savage is a British ocean rower and environmental campaigner. After 11 years working in London as a management consultant, she embarked on a new life direction – in a rowboat. She views herself as a recovering office worker.

Recently, on October 4, 2011, Roz became the first woman to row across the “Big Three” oceans of the world — the Atlantic, Pacific, and Indian. In 2006 she had completed her trip across the Atlantic. In 2010, she finished conquering the Pacific and this year the Indian Ocean.

Roz Savage

After Roz completed her trip last week, Diana interviewed her (video below) One question Diana asked was, “Will you remember the sight of the finish and the huge elation that you made it or will you remember the journey and how you felt alive and having to remind yourself what it takes to get there every day?”

Roz answered, “… I do love the arrival. It’s fantastic to see human faces again after 5 months of solitude. … but I suppose when I’m old I’ll remember the quiet little satisfactions. The times when I felt like I triumphed over myself … the pictures I have in my mind will be of the journey rather than of the arrival. 

That tells me these women do what they do for the sheer experience of doing them … not focused on the finish or so that they can tell others what they did. I think that is why they inspire so many.

They are following their dreams and being true to who they are and what fulfills them … and that is attractive to all of us.

The interview continues with video 2, video 3 and video 4.

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Do you do things for the experience of doing them? Or do you focus so much on the arrival/finish that you miss the moments of satisfaction along the way?

About a year after I was injured, I was at a lighthouse with some friends and I was debating whether or not I could climb the 200+ steps to the top. I wanted to do it. But I wasn’t sure if my legs and pelvis were strong enough. I didn’t want to exhaust or hurt myself and ruin the rest of our weekend at the beach.

Some encouraged me to try it, others thought it might be too much for me. I was trying to think through how I feel when I do one or two flights of stairs, so I could make a wise decision about whether or not my body was ready for that workout.

Someone encouraged me to do it by saying, “Go for it, then you can tell others you did it.”

That would have been almost the last reason on earth for me to climb those steps. I wanted to do it for the experience of doing it. To feel the strength (hopefully) in my legs with each step. To reach the top. To see the view and feel the ocean air. To climb back down. To have a tired, but accomplished feeling.

Doing it simply so I could tell others … why? As much as I love people, is the opinion of others or the impression I give to others more important than my own experience? Never! That means I’d be living my life based on the opinions of others and that seems totally exhausting. Sure if I did it, I would tell others about it, but that wouldn’t be my reason for doing it.

I hear runners discussing whether or not they want to run a full marathon (26.2 miles). Some say they do, so they can say they did it. I have a feeling those people would have a bad marathon experience, because they aren’t doing it for the experience, they are doing it to impress others.

There is nothing like doing something for the sheer experience of doing it. To feel the moment. To experience the experience. 

This makes me wonder about the bucket lists some people have. Are the items on their lists things they really want to do or simply things they want to tell others they did?

One problem with doing things to impress others is that you aren’t living in the present moment, so you won’t enjoy the experience to the fullest. You are living in the future … in that future moment when you will be telling someone what you did. That alone will take away some of the joy of the experience.

It’s not only physical challenges that should be experienced for yourself, rather than for the impressions you want to give … it’s places you go. Books you read. Vacations. Cars. Houses.

I’m not saying you never do things for the sake of others. Maybe it’s something they’ve dreamed of doing and they want someone to do it with them. Go for it … even if it’s not an experience you feel the need to have. You will make someone else’s day and that’s a great experience to have.

As for that lighthouse climb … I did it that day. Slowly and carefully, but I did it. And I loved every moment of it. The journey to the top, being at the top and the climb down. I’m happy to tell you about it … but sorry, you weren’t the reason I did it.

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Do you do things so you can say you did them? Or do you do them for the experience of doing them?