Finding My Own Way Out of a Land of Rules

A post for Trust 30 … the 30-day writing challenge I’m participating in.

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Today’s Prompt:

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My Response:

How I took steps to live life outside the boxes of my strict traditional Mennonite childhood, where I heard no or don’t more than anything else.

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Moving away from the religion of my parents and family happened as I searched for truth by asking questions instead of just believing what others told me. As a teen, I studied the Bible verses they used to enforce many of their rules … and asked questions. (which annoyed everyone)

One strict rule was that the only alcohol allowed were tiny sips of wine twice at year at communion services. I used to believe that if you drank any other alcohol, any other time, you were on a trip straight to hell. As I read the gospels, I questioned why we can’t drink wine if Jesus turned water into wine. I don’t recall ever getting a satisfactory answer.

Another strong rule was that women had to wear dresses. No pants allowed … ever. Which was quite annoying for this tomboy — try playing dodge ball or biking in a skirt. Whenever I asked why, an interesting conversation usually followed. I’d be directed to a verse in the Bible that says something about women shouldn’t wear men’s clothing.

“But wasn’t it standard for men to wear tunics or robes during the era that those verses were written about?” I asked.

“Hmm …. maybe.”

“So maybe we should switch it, men wear skirts and women wear pants.” I suggested.

That usually produced a humpft and was followed with something like, “No, that won’t be right. This is the way we’ve always done it. This is our way.”

I think anyone should live as they want to (as long as they aren’t hurting anyone) and follow any traditions they want to, but it seems unreasonable that any traditions should become a religious demand that someone or some group decides must be followed to please God.

After numerous conversations during my teen years that ended in a similar frustrating fashion, I realized I couldn’t spend my life that way. I couldn’t reconcile many of their rules (no TV or radio, no jewelry) with anything, so why would I force myself to do them? It wouldn’t be fair to my parents, family and their church — I would spend my life disagreeing and trying to change their ways which would only strain relationships.

In my early twenties, I quite attending that church and stopping following their rules. Though going through all the changes was a challenging process at times … it was refreshing to find out I could wear jeans, get my hair cut and watch TV without fearing I’d go to hell.

Now 25 years later, I continue to be glad that I made my own path and I use that experience to guide me whenever I find myself leaning towards a path that is different from others around me.

Ask questions. Listen. Research. Think. Meditate. Trust my instincts. Repeat as needed. Take my own path.

After leaving that world, I dropped the no-alcohol rule and tried wine, beer and mixed drinks from time to time. I was drawn to the great taste of dry red wine and after discovering the health benefits of it, the guilt from my past was history. I was more than happy to drink to life and wellness.

Raising a toast to choosing our own paths — cheers!

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Readers, your turn … whether in personal, business or family situations, do you trust taking your own path?

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