The Guilt of Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day involves too much guilt and feeling bad. For a few reasons. I feel bad for the women that aren’t mothers … especially the ones that really want to be one. My heart breaks for mothers who are mourning the loss of a child … whether this past year or twenty years ago. I feel bad for the people whose mothers have died.

I feel bad for people that have a strained relationship with their mother. I feel bad for the mothers that are struggling as a mother … who may wish they wouldn’t be one.
photo © 2145 Arne Hendriks | more info (via: Wylio)

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So as you can see I feel bad about many things on that day … and there’s more.

I feel bad for the children and the husbands who can never do Mother’s Day right. You know, the ones with the mothers/wives who have certain expectations for the day and they do everything they can (in a manipulating loving way, of course) to have a mother’s day that they can brag to their friends about.

These mothers are often miserable (under their fake smiles) on Mother’s Day because their ‘perfect’ day never happens as planned. As Anne Lamott said in a post called Why I hate Mother’s Day, But the craziest, grimmest people this Sunday will be the mothers themselves, stuck herding their own mothers and weeping children and husbands’ mothers into seats at restaurants.

Yes, mothering is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and it’s nice to be recognized … but is forced recognition really recognition? Especially when the people doing it are miserable. (like your son wearing that tie)

If you are a mother … don’t think that a certain gift/day will make you happy because Hallmark, your friends, the restaurants, your pastor or the malls tell you it will.

Who are you? What do you like?

If you have a husband and kids that love to shower you with breakfast in bed, gifts and more … and you like that, enjoy it.

If not … do what a friend taught me years ago. Plan something for the day that you enjoy … which may or may not include your family. When my boys were young, the best way to celebrate me as a mother was a day off from mothering.

A friend who loved backyard picnics and backyard baseball invited a few families over for a picnic followed by a baseball game that included everyone. She (and the others) had a good time whether or not the expected Mother’s day things happened.

If there are no activities that your whole family enjoys … do something for yourself, so that you feel complete whether or not others ‘perform’ as you want them to. A few running friends and I start the day with a run because we enjoy running and starting the day with a run makes the rest of the day okay.

I agree with the thought Anne Lamott ends her article with, You want to give me chocolate and flowers? That would be great. I love them both. I just don’t want them out of guilt.

So women … let’s take the pressure off others and be the adults we can be. Stop guilting others into giving you a good mother’s day. What can YOU do to make it a good day?

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