More is Caught Than Taught

The prompt for today’s post to Celebrate Women is … “sharing how feminism or being a strong woman affects our parenting style for both our daughters and sons.”

Jonathan, Joshua, Janet, Jerry, Joseph - 2009

I’m a believer in the idea that “more is caught than taught” and my parenting strongly reflects that. Not having daughters might mean my views aren’t as balanced, but I’ve attempted to show my three sons the value and potential of everyone by how I live, rather than with parenting lectures. Since my boys are 18, 20 and 22 right now … there is no final grade on how I did or didn’t do with that, but generally they respect others. (though I long for the day when they all mature past inappropriate jokes)

During our early years of parenting, my husband and I leaned more towards the traditional view of men and women, but as our views evolved, so did our parenting. I knew we were on the right track when one son complained that in six grade home economics class he was the only guy that knew how to wash dishes.

I became intentional about not showing (in words or actions) any difference about the potential of a man or a woman. And we didn’t have many discussions about the proper way to treat a girl/woman … instead we’ve had many conversations about respecting all people for who they are and the choices they make.

I’ve attempted to show them that while I think everyone is equal, not everyone is the same. And the best way for them to respect another person is to get to know that person and find out who they are and what they like or dislike.

I think it could do more harm than good to tell them “all girls want you to buy them chocolate” or “all girls hate spiders” or “all girls want to be moms” or any other “all girls …” statement. Assuming certain things about a girl that may or may not be accurate is not healthy for any relationship … whether the girl is a friend or a girlfriend.

Now that my older two are in college … our conversations about equality and differences are more varied as they share what they’re hearing and processing. Though at times, it feels slightly odd (and I feel old) I’m enjoying this new two-way education and I assume it will continue into the future. I look forward to what we’ll learn together … about celebrating the value of each person.

Go here to read posts from others that Celebrate Women.
My first Celebrate Women post - Are Girls as Valuable as Boys?
My second Celebrate Women post – Saying No to Labels and Yes to People
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  • http://www.veronicamonique.com Veronica

    I’m with you on the respecting all people for who they are and the choices they make. That is an excellent way to prepare any child for the world, no matter how it changes.

  • http://www.messiahmom.wordpress.com kristinherdy

    I love what you said about not making those “allness” statements. All girls… every woman… men…. If we want to know someone, we can’t do it through generalities and stereotypes, we have to form relationships.

    everyone is equal, but not everyone is the same – an excellent teachable principle

  • Janet Zimmerman

    I have learned that people will act what they believe in their heart as long as they know why they believe what they believe and where the basis of it comes from, and I agree that it doesn’t always have to be spoken.
    When our teen girls transitioned into public high school from private christian school, it was even more important for us to teach our girls to respect others and their choices. Their choices are their choices and whether we agree or not with those choices we need to respect each person, just as we would want for others around us to do the same. Our hope was for the girls to see the importance of maintaining a relationship with the people around them even though those relationships will all be to some degree different in closeness. I believe that, in what has been communicated back to us from our girls that they DO in fact find that others with different beliefs than them still can find (most of them) the same respect to give in return. And I think they have been amazed at what they have learned from someone who was different than them. I know I have.

    • http://janetober.com Janet Ober

      Good points Janet … showing respect to others might not be a guarantee that respect will be shown back to you, but it sure makes it more likely to happen.

  • http://www.alise-write.com Alise

    I so agree with you about the “all girls/boys” thing. Relationships are tough enough, we certainly don’t need to go adding more difficulty to that!

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