When Life Sucks … Renewal is Needed

Depression sucks. Twice it’s clouded my world. The first time not as severe. The second time I was pulled down into a nasty, negative vortex. Life seemed pointless. What was the reason to go on? Why live?

With counseling and time … I realized some of my struggle was trying to accept the challenges of a new season with a mental and spiritual understanding from the past.

I needed renewal.
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Isaiah had some wisdom, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing.” The past couldn’t be changed, so why dwell on it. But how/where do I find a new thing?

Romans has a clue, “be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” My mind was so jumbled, there was no room for any renewal to happen. My disappointment with life and God left no empty spaces.

I knew about asking, seeking and knocking. So I did. I looked up into the sky and asked for a new thing. For a fresh start.

A renewal of mind and spirit.

Photo by Janet Oberholtzer, Hopewell Lake

Being outdoors is what helps my mind work and my spirit connect. So I spent hours paddling my kayak in circles on a calm lake … wondering now what?

I didn’t rush myself. I simply was. I rarely brought a book or journal. I wanted to start fresh, not revert to old habits and patterns. I believed Jesus’ words, “You will worship me in spirit and in truth.”

I felt the stirring of some dry, lifeless bits within. Like leaves before they fall. Scary. Could renewal include losing some leaves that had nourished me in the past? It felt odd to think of letting them go. Yet how would new ones grow if I clung to the old ones?

In bits and pieces truth came and I knew letting go of the old didn’t mean the old had been unnecessary. It had been a valid part of my journey … but this was a new time and I needed to allow renewal to happen.

Slowly I let go. I learned. As old leaves dropped, new ones grew. The renewal ebb and flow was exhausting at times, exhilarating at others. I was floating, clinging, breathing deep and being still.

Slowly love, peace and hope edged out the depression.

I don’t know what’s ahead, this journey of renewal has taken me down paths I wasn’t aware of before, so I assume there could be more. I’ll keep asking, seeking and knocking, because my mind and spirit are more fully alive today than ever … so I’ll breathe deep, hang on and celebrate hope on this crazy never-ending ride of renewal.

If you’ve had seasons of renewal or you’re in need of one now … feel free to share below.

 
My second bout with depression happened as I struggled to recover from almost losing my leg and my life in a horrific vehicle accident. My memoir, Because I Can, is about my journey of renewal and recovery post-accident, including a return to running which all my doctors said was a thing of my past. 
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  • http://lisanotes.blogspot.com/ Lisa notes…

    Janet, we were on a similar track today. I used Isaiah 43 in my post too. Isn’t it beautiful? And being outdoors is always renewing to me as well. Oh, that I would take even more time to not “rush myself”. Thanks for sharing your story.

    • http://janetober.com Janet Ober

      Hi Lisa … thanks for visiting. I’ve learned so much about renewal (and other things) simply by being outdoors and watching the process of the natural world.

  • http://faithfictionfriends.blogspot.com Glynn

    It is mind, and it is spirt, and it is heart. Ultimately, he’s after our hearts. Good post, Janet.

    • http://janetober.com Janet Ober

      Thanks Glynn!

  • http://katdish.net katdish

    “I realized some of my struggle was trying to accept the challenges of a new season with a mental and spiritual understanding from the past.” — Wow, Janet. That’s huge. Seems so obvious, but we get caught up in what we were instead of what we are. Great thoughts.

    • http://janetober.com Janet Ober

      Thanks Kathy!
      Guess what we were is more familiar and comfortable, so we are hesitant to leave it.

  • http://building-his-body.blogspot.com/ Anne Lang Bundy

    I HATE that vortex!

    But.

    When we finally come full circle, renewal is so sweet.

    • http://janetober.com Janet Ober

      The vortex can be so powerful … that’s why we need renewal to not be sucked it.

  • http://www.taterhouse.blogspot.com Ryan Tate

    Great post.

    “Slowly love, peace and hope edged out the depression” – those are the best medications for depression.

    • http://janetober.com Janet Ober

      Hi Ryan,
      Yes, they are … and it varies what is needed to find love, peace and hope again … sometimes its a time of rest, meds, counseling, renewal, change of lifestyle, etc.

  • http://www.hazel-moon-blog.blogspot.com/ Hazel I Moon

    I enjoyed your post very much. Your statement, letting go of the old didn’t mean the old had been unnecessary was interesting. We cannot eliminate the past, but it is a stepping stone in our renewal process.

  • http://nilsenlife.blogspot.com Kirsten

    “this journey of renewal has taken me down paths I wasn’t aware of before, so I assume there could be more. ” out of all the beautiful ideas you’ve expressed in this post, this is the one that keeps pinging in my head. We don’t know what we will become, but we do know that the gift of renewal is ours to claim through a grace-giving God. To assume there will be more is both pragmatic and hopeful. What a great post!

  • http://steeletheday.com Candy

    I find the best places of renewal out in nature that He created. It totally puts me at peace. “…letting go of the old didn’t mean the old had been unnecessary.” We can never forget that.

  • http://flowingfaith.blogspot.com/ Mari-Anna Stålnacke

    “I didn’t rush myself. I simply was.” Such wise words! When God is working in us there is no point to rush ahead. I believe the renewal process is less painful when we don’t rush it but let it happen. Thank you, Janet, for this powerful post! God bless you!

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  • Carolyn

    Janet:  Hi, I happened upon you/your site/your story, via a friend of mine’s facebook post. (Deanna Dennis).  I used to play coed softball with her – 1991 – 2005 ish ?  I so enjoyed playing ball.  It’s where my adrenaline flowed…the competitive spirit and oozing of all things evil were left on the field.  After marriage and becoming foster parents, my time became more engulfed with the children and their needs. (and the husband too, from time to time !).  I loved my life – as it was – but then – things changed.  A lot of stress, mystery illnesses (and nope, it wasn’t in my mind), and then chronic conditions/pain that totally consumed my world for a couple years.  How many doctors and medications later, I’m sort of in management – but after my husband’s heart failure, and the additional tasks I had to take on, my pain and struggles are more constant.  I had taken up running – ever so lightly, before “those years”, and now, have difficulty walking too much in a day, or doing too much of anything actually.  So, here I am, wondering what God has in store for me.  Ii would love to overcome the odd’s – lose the medication and the 70 lbs. of physical weight and 100 lbs. of mental weight that came with it….So, I wonder – how ?  I still don’t know that answer – but after reading your “story” I at least have a “moment” of renewal.  I need these moments – more frequently – to inspire me to “figure out” what it is I can do for me to bring back a feeling of accomplishment – and “o.k.-ness.”  I look forward to purchasing your book soon.  Don’t ask why, I don’t know, but I just “happened” to look at your information while on Deanna’s site :  God is Good.

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