Rejection From ‘Her’

No one likes rejection, but it’s easier to take from some, then from others. There’s one person whose rejection affected me drastically in the past.

This person used to be relentless. She made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. She pointed out places I hadn’t arrived at yet. It seemed like she was determined to make me feel bad no matter what I did. Most days it felt like I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t.

I needed to avoid hearing her rejection or not believe it if I did hear it. Yet I couldn’t avoid her or stop her from talking to me. And oddly, I was the one giving her the power to talk.

You see, the problem was … she was me.

‘She’ was that nagging voice in my head saying negative things to me. Some times, I realized she was an unhealthy voice. But other times, she could be so convincing that I thought what she told me was true.

To figure out who she was and who I am, I realized I needed a clearer picture of myself. I figured starting at the source is good — maybe my creator could help.

I spent time asking/seeking/knocking. I took time to simply be, to read and to learn who he really is, not who religion/environment/culture has made him out to be. 

I discovered my creator is love and is all about love.

I also had a lightbulb moment rereading Jesus’ words, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Love yourself — as in me, myself and I?

Yes, love myself.

And love and rejection can’t co-habituate — so one of them had to go. As I absorbed the idea that I was created in the image of love and I am good* there was less space for ‘her’ rejection in my life.

Love grew in me, and slowly quieted ‘her’. I was able to love myself … and in turn, love my neighbor. (more about that later this week)

*Yes, I know about Adam and Eve and sin, but I’m created in the image of God and I don’t think his announcement of “It was very good” has been erased. I live with an awareness that while I was created good, I can lean away from being good — it’s my choice.

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