Living In The Moment

I like reading. I like to write. I like my computer. I like being online (Twitter, Facebook, The Blogosphere – it’s all wonderful)

But, today — I do not want to read. I do not want to be online. I do not want to write, especially not this post.

I was going to ignore reading, writing and blogs … and have a pity-party for myself.

Then I remembered a post by Anne Jackson called The Story of Now. She writes …

“I was having a discussion with a friend recently about how, when we share our stories, we often refer to things that have taken place in the past …

Our stories are important. Nobody can argue the power of God’s faithfulness shown in our past.

May I make a suggestion? Let’s also begin sharing The Story of Now.

Let’s share the brokenness that is happening in our lives at this very given moment — The places we aren’t sure how God will heal, if he will heal them. The places that frighten us. The places that we think will make a great story in the future…but we don’t want to talk about them in the present tense.”

After rereading Anne’s post, I picked up my laptop and began writing … after making myself comfortable here:

You see … I’m on vacation in Puerto Rico with my husband and three sons. Instead of birthday gifts for each other this year, we planned this trip – our first vacation in six years as a family and the first time we’ve done anything like this. It’s beautiful and I’m enjoying it — the scenery, my family and the fact that we’re on vacation.

My gorgeous view from our balcony

Our last vacation ended with an accident where I received major injuries. I’ve recovered well, even completing a half-marathon this past June. So this trip was kind of a celebration of the past six years and a time of treating the boys to an unique adventure. We planned an active vacation of kayaking, hiking, biking, watersports, etc.

So today … I want to be out and about doing fun things!

BUT … two weeks ago, I was running and injured myself. It was an injury I could have avoided if I would have quit running at the first twinges of pain, but I wanted to finish the race, so I did. In the process, I severely bruised the front of my left foot. The pain was so brutal (nothing broken, just bruised) I had to use crutches for almost two weeks. The pain has decreased, but it’s still brutal enough for me to need a walking cast.

My foot and walking cast propped on a suitcase at the airport

I’m sure Jung or Freud scholars and my counselor would love to probe the depths of my conscience, sub-conscience and/or spirit to find out why I would do this to myself two weeks before a special vacation. Was it just determination to finish a race? Was it forgetfulness — I never thought of this vacation while running with pain. Or was it self-sabotage … but why would I do that?

I’m able to do some of the things we had planned, but not everything. Last night I swam in a bioluminescent bay with my family. I can walk a few steps without my boot, so I wore it until I was almost ready to go in the water. It was a wonderful experience.

Right now, the others walked down the beach to a great snorkeling spot near our condo. I will drive down to the spot later and see if my foot allows me to snorkel or just sit on the beach and watch them.

So I’m here … in the now, disappointed … in myself, in the circumstances, in God (shouldn’t he magically cover my stupidity?)

Over the next few days, I will probably have to sit by while my family hikes the rainforest and swims under waterfalls, while I am left wondering … why and what, if anything, I will learn from this.