Words – Hurtful or Hopeful

I said words I knew I shouldn’t have … to a person that I love.

As the words came out of my mouth, I knew they would hit and hurt their target. A portion of me was appalled at what I was doing, but (sad to say) another portion of me was happy about it. I heard the words, knowing the pain they’d cause — but I didn’t stop them.

I said what I was told someone else said. (Why do I think that whisper-down-the-lane ever gets anything right?) I said it, all of it, while not being sure I even believed some of what I was saying.

I saw the pain I caused — yet I didn’t stop. I repeated some of it twice to make sure they heard.

What am I — two years old? Why would I intentionally hurt someone near to me?

As I thought about why I would hurt someone else, I wondered if it could be because before I hurt them, I had been hurting myself.

You see, I didn’t really like myself that day. I had been spending too much time beating myself up because I thought that I wasn’t measuring up to a imaginary yardstick I had constructed in my brain, which caused my insecurities to raise their ugly head.

We are to love others as we love ourselves. As I thought of it, that is exactly what I had been doing. If I don’t say nice things to myself — why would I say nice things to others? If I don’t love myself — what makes me think I will love others?

Those unkind words had their start with unkind thoughts towards myself. By focusing on love for me and others, I was able to change my words to spread hope instead of hurt.

Do you find that you treat others as you treat yourself?

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  • http://www.elversonicefamily.blogspot.com Cathy C.

    Interesting post from one of the kindest people I know. You are human. I have hurt others; not so much with words but with actions–or lack thereof. And you are right–it usually stems from a feeling of low self-worth. I’ll retreat to solitude, and in turn retreat from others, only later realizing that my withdrawal, which I feel is kind, is actually mean to others that might actually want my company. But in my less than positive state of mind I just think why would anyone–including family–want to be around me?

    • http://janetober.com janeto

      Cathy,
      Interesting point about withdrawing. I do the same thing … but hadn’t really thought of that as being unkind to the other person. But you are right, it can be unkind.

  • marie alleman

    thanks for this. reminded me of the illustration of the toothpaste tube. Each time you speak a word, it’s like squeezing out a bit of toothpaste from the tube. No amount of effort can ever put the toothpaste back into the tube. thanks again. never stop writing. never stop sharing… hugs, marie